People, I think I'm done with holiday cards. I love getting yours, though. I could write about opting out of Christmas, but Laura Munson already did such a good job. Maybe I'll feel different next year.
I could write about having a baby when your single in hopes of attracting men. I have a lot of friends who are still waiting for Mr. Right. Should they just go to the sperm bank and/or work something out with their gay friend? See Melanie Notkin.
I'm stuck on the whole marriage thing. When I ask myself whether I recommend it, I have to ask, Do I recommend marriage for my own kids? Is it in fact good for your health? Studies seem to point to Yes.
I love this, in a lame article in yesterday's L.A. Times: "Men who showed less antisocial behavior at ages 17 and 20 were more likely to have been married by the age of 29, showing some self-selection. But once they were married, levels of antisocial behavior went down further." Duh. This seems to substantiate my theory that my sons really won't mature until they have a serious girlfriend. I feel kind of bad about it, but it's like, Hey, Sister, I've done what I can for him. Can you please take over from here? The basic values: we got those laid down. But forgive me for dropping the ball in a few areas. Now it's up to you.
It's harder than you'd think to raise a good man. That's obvious when I see there are so few good ones to recommend to my single friends.
I think, yeah, it would be great if my kids got married. But why? Is it merely to let me off the hook? Is it all leftover BS from my own parents and those traditional expectations? Being born in 1960 means my parents, the greatest influencers of my unconscious, were born in the mid-1930s. Their parents were born between 1900 and 1913. Yet I grew up in the 1960s and 70s. No wonder I am who I am, married with three kids and still asking how did I get here? and is there a better way? I'm a product of the entire 20th Century.
But what about evolution? What do I actually tell my kids about marriage? Of course more than anything I can say is how I am everyday. The choices I make. The way I live.
But here's what I would say, off the cuff, knowing that in fact at least one of my kids may be reading this: Get married only if you feel you must. Because you really want to. Because you feel that you want to be with this person for a long, long time. And you can't imagine living without her/him. Define what marriage means for you. Make your expectations known to each other. Say the hard things now. Express your deepest desires and your deepest fears to each other before you take the plunge. Has your communication been tested?
Obviously, you better really like having sex with him/her. More than like, it better blow your mind. And you better be able to get a good night's sleep with him/her afterwards.
Also, be sure to talk about money. Do you both want the same things, and are you clear about who is going to work to make them happen?
If it doesn't work out, or it doesn't last forever, it's okay. It doesn't mean it was a mistake. It's okay to make mistakes.
I realize I'm assuming my kids will arrive at the same questions as I did. But I could be way off. Maybe they will decide marriage is not for them. Or to make a very different kind of marriage with someone.
I could write about having a baby when your single in hopes of attracting men. I have a lot of friends who are still waiting for Mr. Right. Should they just go to the sperm bank and/or work something out with their gay friend? See Melanie Notkin.
I'm stuck on the whole marriage thing. When I ask myself whether I recommend it, I have to ask, Do I recommend marriage for my own kids? Is it in fact good for your health? Studies seem to point to Yes.
I love this, in a lame article in yesterday's L.A. Times: "Men who showed less antisocial behavior at ages 17 and 20 were more likely to have been married by the age of 29, showing some self-selection. But once they were married, levels of antisocial behavior went down further." Duh. This seems to substantiate my theory that my sons really won't mature until they have a serious girlfriend. I feel kind of bad about it, but it's like, Hey, Sister, I've done what I can for him. Can you please take over from here? The basic values: we got those laid down. But forgive me for dropping the ball in a few areas. Now it's up to you.
It's harder than you'd think to raise a good man. That's obvious when I see there are so few good ones to recommend to my single friends.
I think, yeah, it would be great if my kids got married. But why? Is it merely to let me off the hook? Is it all leftover BS from my own parents and those traditional expectations? Being born in 1960 means my parents, the greatest influencers of my unconscious, were born in the mid-1930s. Their parents were born between 1900 and 1913. Yet I grew up in the 1960s and 70s. No wonder I am who I am, married with three kids and still asking how did I get here? and is there a better way? I'm a product of the entire 20th Century.
But what about evolution? What do I actually tell my kids about marriage? Of course more than anything I can say is how I am everyday. The choices I make. The way I live.
But here's what I would say, off the cuff, knowing that in fact at least one of my kids may be reading this: Get married only if you feel you must. Because you really want to. Because you feel that you want to be with this person for a long, long time. And you can't imagine living without her/him. Define what marriage means for you. Make your expectations known to each other. Say the hard things now. Express your deepest desires and your deepest fears to each other before you take the plunge. Has your communication been tested?
Obviously, you better really like having sex with him/her. More than like, it better blow your mind. And you better be able to get a good night's sleep with him/her afterwards.
Also, be sure to talk about money. Do you both want the same things, and are you clear about who is going to work to make them happen?
If it doesn't work out, or it doesn't last forever, it's okay. It doesn't mean it was a mistake. It's okay to make mistakes.
I realize I'm assuming my kids will arrive at the same questions as I did. But I could be way off. Maybe they will decide marriage is not for them. Or to make a very different kind of marriage with someone.
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