I heard a man crying this morning. I looked out the window and he was shuffling slowly along the alley behind the 9th Circuit Court. The high, helpless sound of someone who lost his mother. "Why?" he moaned, the soul-piercing wail of a wounded animal.. "Mom....I want my Mom..." I heard him shouting to no one. His mom will never hear him. He was old, but not that old. But his mom is long gone.
I held him in my mind. I put my arms around him and let his body shake with grief. I said, "It's okay. Let it out. There's so much there." I stood and watched him until I could hardly hear him. I kept watching. He sat down on the granite steps and kept crying. He pulled a rag out of his pocket and blew his nose. He took a few deep breaths, then got up and kept walking.
I used to try to be the Mother. I used to try to fill that bottomless hole. Now, I just want to hold the space for people to be real.
Sugar said:
16. The obliterated place is equal parts destruction and creation. The obliterated place is pitch black and bright light. It is water and parched earth. It is mud and it is manna. The real work of deep grief is making a home there.
17. You have the power to withstand this sorrow. We all do, though we all claim not to. We say, “I couldn’t go on,” instead of saying we hope we won’t have to. ...You’ve made it so fucking long without your sweet XXX and now you can’t take it anymore. But you can. You must.
24. You go on by doing the best you can, you go on by being generous, you go on by being true, you go on by offering comfort to others who can’t go on, you go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and allowing the pleasure in other days, you go on by finding a channel for your love and another for your rage.
I held him in my mind. I put my arms around him and let his body shake with grief. I said, "It's okay. Let it out. There's so much there." I stood and watched him until I could hardly hear him. I kept watching. He sat down on the granite steps and kept crying. He pulled a rag out of his pocket and blew his nose. He took a few deep breaths, then got up and kept walking.
I used to try to be the Mother. I used to try to fill that bottomless hole. Now, I just want to hold the space for people to be real.
Sugar said:
16. The obliterated place is equal parts destruction and creation. The obliterated place is pitch black and bright light. It is water and parched earth. It is mud and it is manna. The real work of deep grief is making a home there.
17. You have the power to withstand this sorrow. We all do, though we all claim not to. We say, “I couldn’t go on,” instead of saying we hope we won’t have to. ...You’ve made it so fucking long without your sweet XXX and now you can’t take it anymore. But you can. You must.
24. You go on by doing the best you can, you go on by being generous, you go on by being true, you go on by offering comfort to others who can’t go on, you go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and allowing the pleasure in other days, you go on by finding a channel for your love and another for your rage.
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