Hello Friends. I am up early waiting for Zoe, so we can take some stuff to storage. Then she gets on BART for SFO and Mexico to stay with Carolen and Wind for a month. Then I get on BART to go back to Berkeley.
Zoe just canceled the storage trip. "XXX decided at the last minute to go on an adventure, so no truck. I'm just gonna call it good," she said.
The struggle is more or less the same. I'm just a little older. On the outside. What is five months? Five years? Doing what I do.
I always expected that you would see me through.
Can we get it together, can we still stand side by side?
Can we make it last, like a musical ride?
I talk. I write emails. I recently wrote a 200 page piece that I hope to share with you someday. It's about struggle.
I struggle to be a supportive parent to adult children. A supportive partner. A supportive friend. A supportive lover. But not too supportive. Not so supportive that I resent people and am so drained that I have nothing left. That is my biggest fear. That I don't know how to stop giving when I've given enough. I am a compulsive giver. It's not always a bad thing, but I think I am possibly disabling my kids, to some extent. (My secret hope and rationale is that I am modeling generosity.) I am a "needs-anticipator." I "move so quickly that people don't even know they need something before I have filled it." I am a "let's-do-it-right-now" kind of person. Why wait? I don't wait. I do. If you are too busy, I just do it myself. I don't like lists, because that shows future needs. I don't like "needs build-up." I like to take care of it.
Not everyone operates this way. That's difficult for me. I like working with people who, like me, like "right now." I like "taking the first step," even if it's leaving a message after business hours.
It's dawn on one of two of the eighth-shortest days of the year.
My adult children can hold forth in highly intellectual discussions with friends our age who have perfected their arguments. I feel good about this. Everyone agrees that "the system must change." That "capitalism is over." Then some of us go off to jobs, and others stay home and make art and think about capitalism changing. I often buy dinner. And plane tickets. I anticipate that I will be doing so until the day comes when they will have to buy me dinner and plane tickets. When I am too old for capitalism to support me anymore. When I can't "do it right now" without their help.
Zoe just canceled the storage trip. "XXX decided at the last minute to go on an adventure, so no truck. I'm just gonna call it good," she said.
The struggle is more or less the same. I'm just a little older. On the outside. What is five months? Five years? Doing what I do.
I always expected that you would see me through.
Can we get it together, can we still stand side by side?
Can we make it last, like a musical ride?
I talk. I write emails. I recently wrote a 200 page piece that I hope to share with you someday. It's about struggle.
I struggle to be a supportive parent to adult children. A supportive partner. A supportive friend. A supportive lover. But not too supportive. Not so supportive that I resent people and am so drained that I have nothing left. That is my biggest fear. That I don't know how to stop giving when I've given enough. I am a compulsive giver. It's not always a bad thing, but I think I am possibly disabling my kids, to some extent. (My secret hope and rationale is that I am modeling generosity.) I am a "needs-anticipator." I "move so quickly that people don't even know they need something before I have filled it." I am a "let's-do-it-right-now" kind of person. Why wait? I don't wait. I do. If you are too busy, I just do it myself. I don't like lists, because that shows future needs. I don't like "needs build-up." I like to take care of it.
Not everyone operates this way. That's difficult for me. I like working with people who, like me, like "right now." I like "taking the first step," even if it's leaving a message after business hours.
It's dawn on one of two of the eighth-shortest days of the year.
My adult children can hold forth in highly intellectual discussions with friends our age who have perfected their arguments. I feel good about this. Everyone agrees that "the system must change." That "capitalism is over." Then some of us go off to jobs, and others stay home and make art and think about capitalism changing. I often buy dinner. And plane tickets. I anticipate that I will be doing so until the day comes when they will have to buy me dinner and plane tickets. When I am too old for capitalism to support me anymore. When I can't "do it right now" without their help.
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