Local 123. Every face lit up by LED screens. Headphones on while sucking up Four Barrell.
Holiday parties encourage gluttony, obsessive trying of potluck dishes, toasts to survival, drinking excessively and therefore hangovers. Last night I only made it to two holiday parties of the four I had planned to attend. Perhaps meeting that overly ambitious schedule meant not trying every dish or drinking three glasses of wine at the first party. Kind of messed up the plan, but was good for end-of-year toasts. To want to go to four parties was gluttonous. And stupid. Especially when it meant traversing the Bay. Oh well. Will I figure it out next year?
Once again I am boycotting holiday traditions--not all, but the ones that have to do with shopping. Gave my whole family of origin copies of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for Thanksgiving, more than I've given them in a couple of years -- in terms of material gifts. Maybe one or two of them will read it and change the way they communicate with their kids, their spouses, their siblings (including me), or with our parents. You can shove a book into someone's hands and turn on the light, but you cannot make them read. Or get it even if do they read it. No one else but me can help me get something. I have to want to get it. And be ready to get it.
Nonviolent communication or NVC has revolutionized conversation in my family. When conflict arises, which of course happens almost everyday, one of us will invoke our shared language and ask about the feelings and associated needs, so we can re-state our requests, and maybe even talk about strategies to address this particular issue differently in the future. It transforms shitty moments into, "Okay, I think I understand why I was acting so shitty, and thanks, yeah, for helping me figure it out." Then we move on about our business. Four out of five Benders have been practicing NVC now for two years or longer.
I gave a copy of NVC to my nephew who is a heroin addict. His addiction started with Xanex or "bars." He's only 19, and on his fourth or fifth rehab attempt. Or more. But something has changed in him. I saw it when we visited him two weeks ago. I don't know what changed. I wonder if it helps knowing that not only do his mom and dad and brothers, but his aunts and uncles and cousins all really want him to live. It's hard to break out of your own little nuclear family bubble and your own overwhelming work and personal needs to reach out to your struggling 19-year-old nephew who lives in another part of the state. It's hard to know what to do. I decided to start texting him, asking him how he is doing, and telling him how much I love him. He doesn't always write back, but I don't mind.
I hope that my beautiful nephew decides to live among us. He says he has to take it one hour at a time.
Holiday parties encourage gluttony, obsessive trying of potluck dishes, toasts to survival, drinking excessively and therefore hangovers. Last night I only made it to two holiday parties of the four I had planned to attend. Perhaps meeting that overly ambitious schedule meant not trying every dish or drinking three glasses of wine at the first party. Kind of messed up the plan, but was good for end-of-year toasts. To want to go to four parties was gluttonous. And stupid. Especially when it meant traversing the Bay. Oh well. Will I figure it out next year?
Once again I am boycotting holiday traditions--not all, but the ones that have to do with shopping. Gave my whole family of origin copies of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for Thanksgiving, more than I've given them in a couple of years -- in terms of material gifts. Maybe one or two of them will read it and change the way they communicate with their kids, their spouses, their siblings (including me), or with our parents. You can shove a book into someone's hands and turn on the light, but you cannot make them read. Or get it even if do they read it. No one else but me can help me get something. I have to want to get it. And be ready to get it.
Nonviolent communication or NVC has revolutionized conversation in my family. When conflict arises, which of course happens almost everyday, one of us will invoke our shared language and ask about the feelings and associated needs, so we can re-state our requests, and maybe even talk about strategies to address this particular issue differently in the future. It transforms shitty moments into, "Okay, I think I understand why I was acting so shitty, and thanks, yeah, for helping me figure it out." Then we move on about our business. Four out of five Benders have been practicing NVC now for two years or longer.
I gave a copy of NVC to my nephew who is a heroin addict. His addiction started with Xanex or "bars." He's only 19, and on his fourth or fifth rehab attempt. Or more. But something has changed in him. I saw it when we visited him two weeks ago. I don't know what changed. I wonder if it helps knowing that not only do his mom and dad and brothers, but his aunts and uncles and cousins all really want him to live. It's hard to break out of your own little nuclear family bubble and your own overwhelming work and personal needs to reach out to your struggling 19-year-old nephew who lives in another part of the state. It's hard to know what to do. I decided to start texting him, asking him how he is doing, and telling him how much I love him. He doesn't always write back, but I don't mind.
I hope that my beautiful nephew decides to live among us. He says he has to take it one hour at a time.
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