I am distraught over the smallest things, and must face the day soon.
But first wanted to launch a blog. Why?
To face head on my fear of publishing. Of being read. Of being public. These are private thoughts in a public sphere.
And it terrifies me.
Why are you reading this? Because I asked you to? Because you searched my name or a name similar and had a free minute or two? How much time do I get to pique your interest? What are you avoiding?
Sex. Being married. Writing about lovers. That is what I want to explore. The notion of a public identity. Creating intimacy in the most public of spheres. I have experienced it. It's like kissing in a booth at the Make Out Room. It's like fucking in a car on Capp Street in the middle of the day. It's hot, and dangerous. It's sweaty and sticky.
I have a room of my own for the first time....in 26 years. Since I met my husband. It is the place where I will begin to confront my fear of this intimate public space. I will share myself. I will get naked alone in the bay window. I will reveal myself to you.
You are in the shadows just outside. I feel you but do not see you. You approach. I close my eyes and touch your face. You are not the enemy.
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