Sometimes it takes overwhelming strength just to get up.
The vortex of bed and sleep pull harder than the things you need to do.
Maybe because at 4:00am there was a tussle outside your window and 11 cop cars sped to the scene from all directions.
Maybe because some new things are on your mind. Things that, once you are woken up, keep you awake. Things you want to change, that a week ago were fine.
And good things keep you awake, too, like stories coming together in your head. Stories about people changing.
Last night I was reading about trans men. Especially about mothers who transition into being men. I am not thinking about doing this myself, FYI. I did think about it once, for about a week in 2000, after my therapist at the time told me she was "making the transition." For one week I considered what it would mean to pass as a man and assume male gender roles. Maybe it was some kind of mellenial fever. It was fun to think about for a little while. It helped me realize how much I do like being a 6'1" woman, and that no matter how cool I think it might be to be a man, I can never, in this life, have my own real penis.
I know one or two people who have made the change from female to male. It's a big decision. There is so much information about making a change like that on the internet now that it's probably not as scary as it used to be. But it's huge. I woke up thinking about the steps outlined on a really helpful website, starting with "being real with yourself" and ending with sexual reassignment surgery. It encouraged people to only go as far as they need in order to feel comfortable with themselves.
How intense would that be to sit with your kids and tell them you were assigned the wrong sex at birth, and that you need them to start calling you Dad instead of Mom? People do it. It's so courageous. Let's face it: people only do that if they absolutely have to do it. It's not a whim. It's about survival.
Knowing there are people who find the courage to tell their own kids that they are the wrong gender and need to make a profound change, and even ask for their support in doing it, puts some of the changes I want to make in my life into perspective.
The vortex of bed and sleep pull harder than the things you need to do.
Maybe because at 4:00am there was a tussle outside your window and 11 cop cars sped to the scene from all directions.
Maybe because some new things are on your mind. Things that, once you are woken up, keep you awake. Things you want to change, that a week ago were fine.
And good things keep you awake, too, like stories coming together in your head. Stories about people changing.
Last night I was reading about trans men. Especially about mothers who transition into being men. I am not thinking about doing this myself, FYI. I did think about it once, for about a week in 2000, after my therapist at the time told me she was "making the transition." For one week I considered what it would mean to pass as a man and assume male gender roles. Maybe it was some kind of mellenial fever. It was fun to think about for a little while. It helped me realize how much I do like being a 6'1" woman, and that no matter how cool I think it might be to be a man, I can never, in this life, have my own real penis.
I know one or two people who have made the change from female to male. It's a big decision. There is so much information about making a change like that on the internet now that it's probably not as scary as it used to be. But it's huge. I woke up thinking about the steps outlined on a really helpful website, starting with "being real with yourself" and ending with sexual reassignment surgery. It encouraged people to only go as far as they need in order to feel comfortable with themselves.
How intense would that be to sit with your kids and tell them you were assigned the wrong sex at birth, and that you need them to start calling you Dad instead of Mom? People do it. It's so courageous. Let's face it: people only do that if they absolutely have to do it. It's not a whim. It's about survival.
Knowing there are people who find the courage to tell their own kids that they are the wrong gender and need to make a profound change, and even ask for their support in doing it, puts some of the changes I want to make in my life into perspective.
The thing that interests me the most about becoming or not becoming transgendered is the way the US law changes. You can make the change and magically be granted different rights when biologically you are still the same born gender based on DNA that we just can't see. BUT, you can not make the change and not have equal rights with your partner despite how you might feel inside and...you are still the same gender.
ReplyDeleteSo why is it that my trans son-in-law can be legally married to my daughter with full US legal rights as a spouse but I can't marry my partner and be recognized the same because at this moment in time we are "legally" the same sex. So, are they, biologically speaking....you can't see the DNA in any of us.
I DO NOT begrudge them obtaining these rights, nor do myself or my partner want to change genders, I just have a hard time with that screwy, illogical injustice.
More in response to what you wrote though Kim, yes, it sure does lend some perspective!!
Thanks, Anonymous. It really makes you think. It's insane that you and your partner and millions of other same-sex couples can't obtain legal rights in this country. We live in insane times.
ReplyDelete