This phase of my life is bout shedding and focusing on what is most important. It's about redirecting the energy toward the second half of my life. Which I'm in. I'm over the hump, I think.
The exhaustion.
Walking on the beach yesterday with Anny, my friend of 35 years. Tide going out. My home beach. Lying naked with no one else around in the January sun letting it heat up my legs and chest. Telling each other about our families, how hard it is to keep all the communication clean. How our birth order configured our wiring and how we still work against that to try to be whole. I as the first of six, and Anny as the fourth of five. How our mothers couldn't possibly meet all our needs.
How our sisters can see one reality, the reality that they want to see, and how different that reality is from our own experience. How over time you see that about your sister, and you don't care, you just want her to live closer to you. How you know your parents won't be around forever. How you know that there's only so much time left.
Climbing into the hot tub with Anny and Bob. We are so grateful for the life we have. That we are sitting outside in a very hot tub in January, with the clear sky above and the beautiful garden, drinking kombucha that Anny and Bob made.
Visiting my house. It's beautiful. It is the place where so much has happened. And now it is empty again. Waiting patiently. The garden needs tending.
Seeing Judith and Arianne. Friends who give me strength to go on in spite of all of my weakness. They prop me up and make me feel stronger.
It's Joe's birthday today. He turns 52. I turn 52 in April, but I always feel that I turn that age when the new year happens. So that it isn't a shock when my birthday actually arrives.
For Joe's birthday we will have a small family dinner. That is all. That is all he wants, and I am grateful.
The exhaustion.
Walking on the beach yesterday with Anny, my friend of 35 years. Tide going out. My home beach. Lying naked with no one else around in the January sun letting it heat up my legs and chest. Telling each other about our families, how hard it is to keep all the communication clean. How our birth order configured our wiring and how we still work against that to try to be whole. I as the first of six, and Anny as the fourth of five. How our mothers couldn't possibly meet all our needs.
How our sisters can see one reality, the reality that they want to see, and how different that reality is from our own experience. How over time you see that about your sister, and you don't care, you just want her to live closer to you. How you know your parents won't be around forever. How you know that there's only so much time left.
Climbing into the hot tub with Anny and Bob. We are so grateful for the life we have. That we are sitting outside in a very hot tub in January, with the clear sky above and the beautiful garden, drinking kombucha that Anny and Bob made.
Visiting my house. It's beautiful. It is the place where so much has happened. And now it is empty again. Waiting patiently. The garden needs tending.
Seeing Judith and Arianne. Friends who give me strength to go on in spite of all of my weakness. They prop me up and make me feel stronger.
It's Joe's birthday today. He turns 52. I turn 52 in April, but I always feel that I turn that age when the new year happens. So that it isn't a shock when my birthday actually arrives.
For Joe's birthday we will have a small family dinner. That is all. That is all he wants, and I am grateful.
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